“You are so strong” are words I have heard several times since telling people that Mr Kimlin is also Amanda.
I am not a strong woman.
It doesn’t feel strong to let someone I love be themselves.
It's far harder to have watched Mr Kimlin go through years of severe depression and not know why.
Closets are cramped. Closets are dark. There is no way I would want any of my loved ones to be stuck in one for even a moment let alone a lifetime. It hurts that Mr Kimlin couldn't have told me years ago. My daughter never experienced one it was a case of “Mum, I like girls more than boys” one day whilst we were out. And now I tease her about girls rather than boys. Seriously, the lovely doctor and nurse that dealt with her broken leg were totally wasted on her.
Mr Kimlin and I have been married nearly fourteen years. He’s a kind, loving husband and dad.
I was first attracted by the long hair, beard and motorcycle...
...then I was I attracted to his ability to bake a cinnamon roll (a man should, in my opinion, be fantastic in the kitchen and better in the bedroom)...
...and then he hit me between the eyes with a gentle personality and reasonable sense of humour. (have I mentioned he has a sexy voice) I've never had to walk on egg shells around him and the only lies he's told me are the ones he told himself.
Many, many times I’ve watched him put himself aside to be my rock or the rock to someone who needed it. When I had my first miscarriage he was there with big strong arms and loving words. I did not go through that alone and every other hump in the road (of which our marriage has faced many of) he’s been there. Right now he’s downstairs whizzing up the soup because I was too tired to finish it. The Kimlin family have experienced laughter, tears and quite a bit of fear over the years but we come through each trial because we’re together. Our children know when they’re in trouble they have a superman to look after them - although Banana Bug is hitting them pesky teenage years where she's less sure about that. (Parents are idiots - right?)
He came out to me because he knows I love him and he trusts me. He trusted me enough to tell me the deepest darkest of his secrets that he’d never been able to tell anyone else. Even now whilst everyone in my world knows about Amanda there are many Mr Kimlin has been unable to tell. To walk away would throw that trust back in his face. I want to be his rock.
Don’t get me wrong our marriage has its issues., not least Mr Kimlin’s allergy to washing dishes (yeah his kitchen action needs some serious work), and there are issues surrounding Mr Kimlin becoming Amanda. Our wise Banana-Bug says what we really need is a week away together as a family to get to know Amanda. She’s almost certainly right, it’s just hard to make it a priority when the finances are so tight.
It’s not strong to want my marriage to work, it’s not strong to want my children to have their dad living with them and it’s not strong to stay. Things will change and we will have to work out the issues we have but that’s a marriage and it’s what husband and wives do.
He has loved me throughout no matter how hard my fibromyalgia has made life and we do have a rather nuts but secure little enclave in our home for our children to grow up. Strong would be to throw that all up in the air and live with the uncertainty that a marriage break up brings to all parties. Mr Kimlin becoming Amanda is just a minor speed bump in an otherwise happy marriage.
This quote is a little cheesy but I found it on Pinterest and it fits here.
The Kimlin Family